tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26644840321543550632024-02-19T00:48:56.116-09:00Words UnspokenHollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-47564415483235570012017-11-02T02:26:00.001-08:002017-11-02T02:26:34.880-08:00It’s been a minute It’s better to self-destruct by oneself<br />
<br />
My assumption is in the “self” part of that whole thing<br />
<br />
Right?<br />
<br />
You test the waters<br />
You listen to the lectures<br />
Are they fucking stupid?!<br />
<br />
I knew it before.<br />
I knew it during.<br />
It shall soon be after.<br />
<br />
They jested<br />
Though I found it less than amusing<br />
Name-calling by you<br />
To me<br />
<br />
That’s what makes us different.<br />
<br />
And we shall always be different.<br />
<br />
As if I didn’t know<br />
(but so much easier when they fail)<br />
<br />
HLJ<br />
11.2.17<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-55793952746993886752015-09-08T12:37:00.000-08:002015-09-08T12:39:42.380-08:00"Life is a gift. Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment you are in." - unknownA loss was recently brought to my attention, and though I did not know this person very well on a personal level, I did interact at work and would say "hi" in passing out in the public. Her presence was bright. She was always smiling and it was nice to see her. She is now gone. <br />
<br />
It seems as if her life was taken while she was doing something she enjoyed and outdoors. What I cannot clear from my mind is that so far, the news states she was alone. And, I cannot put aside my selfish worry and tears. Was she in pain? How long was she alone? Why was she alone? Did she want to be alone? <br />
<br />
I continue in my head hoping it was something "natural" and, dare I say, "peaceful"? Peaceful seems such an awful word right now, because if my heart is in this much distress, I cannot imagine how those closest to her are feeling and how they are coping. <br />
<br />
My faith - though not as deep as some - is trying to reassure me she's ok. She was ok. She's no longer in pain, should she have been in any. I keep praying she wasn't. I keep praying that God will comfort our fears. <br />
<br />
Loss is a part of life. It's the hardest part to get over. And, I don't think anyone really gets over it. I don't think you're suppose to. <br />
<br />
I have dealt with loss. But, I will NEVER say to someone "I know what you're going through." I know they are going through a loss, but each of us handle it in our own way. We are affected in our own way. Yes, I have lost loved ones. I, however, have not lost <em>your </em>loved one/s. I will say I pray for you and I will contain you and yours in my thoughts and that I know loss is tough and that I am near if anything is needed. What can I give to someone who lost their mother? Their child? Their sister? Their spouse? Their friend? Nothing I do or say will bring them back, but I will do my best to pray for comfort and for guidance and understanding. <br />
<br />
Life is meant to be lived, but one day it stops. No one could ever be ready for that day. <br />
<br />
HLM.<br />
9/8/15Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-51581847858718433082015-05-31T13:00:00.000-08:002015-06-01T13:03:20.510-08:00My Process<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The process is not without hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It is not without feeling. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What process? MY process. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It is not without unanswered questions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Or the regret of those things I did not say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The moment… the very moment… I realized I felt too much <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Every word I meant to say became a cascade of tears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Wiping them away did not remove the thoughts from my mind<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And though I am stronger than I had been<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You – yes you – found my weak spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Intentional or not – you fucking found it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You pointed it out without words or intended
action.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I hate you for that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I thank you for that.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Trying to hide gets tiring, but aids in the process of
becoming numb. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Once numb, I can be happy. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Or so I thought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I felt something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
felt it and I was angry at first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then the realization slowly intervened that it IS ok to
feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Whether or not I feel the right
thing for the wrong person </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Or the wrong thing for the right person is not the
overall concern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I felt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is ok to feel. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not without faults. Not without
complications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>But, that’s who I
am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I cannot be anything but.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am broken.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am bruised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I don’t want to feel, </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">but I don’t mind that I did for you.</span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
HLM - 5/31/15<br />
<br />
As always ... a work in progress. Not just my words. Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-3201370068261875462015-05-03T11:41:00.002-08:002015-05-03T11:41:26.885-08:00Petty ... and laughable <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The petty things that petty people do are oftentimes more amusing than they should be. As if I don't hold the means to resolve a situation on my own or realize that if I look in the appropriate direction, I will actually see what has or has not been done. No need to get any panties in a bunch but it is laughable to see someone who does. I know... <em>that</em> is petty of me.</span> </span><br />
<br />
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-74584877331168211012015-04-15T00:05:00.001-08:002015-04-15T00:09:35.501-08:00Proverbs 18:1-3<p dir="ltr">"In estrangement one seeks pretexts: with all persistence he picks a quarrel. The fool takes no delight in understanding, but rather in displaying what he thinks. With wickedness comes contempt, and with disgrace comes scorn."</p>
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-78342510295062057892015-03-29T14:51:00.003-08:002015-03-29T14:53:06.991-08:00You either do or you don't <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are many things never brought to the table and many
things that are left unsaid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At times
you begin to believe it’s the result of someone else… you begin to blame other
people for the things you will not say or do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Eventually the darkness that evolved is going to begin winding its way
into the souls of those around you who have listened and encouraged a
resolve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>The unsettling result is that
it now has become a problem to them – the entire situation was not a part of
their life until the advice and encouragement to step up and handle your
situation was ignored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They begin to
feel their time was wasted and they choose to push your darkness away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They begin searching for an outlet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They start a fire <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">you</b> have to tend to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They
never walk away, they simply push you to find resolve and if you forget to be you
and continue to blame others that fire will burn unattended and gradually leave
you without.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can choose to put out
that fire and take care of the situation, but no longer will others carry your
burden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Sometimes the only way to
motivate someone to stand up, to speak out, or even to walk away, is to
overstep an invisible line; an unspoken line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One you never wanted them to cross but never told them they couldn’t. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your noxious situation can no longer be pressed
upon others without consequence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">HLM</span></span></div>
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-52861544984290101362015-02-26T22:47:00.001-09:002015-02-26T22:47:21.841-09:00It Hurts<p dir="ltr">It hurts<br>
This loneliness<br>
I don't care who you are<br>
It hurts<br>
It sucks<br>
It leaves my thoughts to wander <br>
Not always good<br>
But not <i>that</i> bad... No need for concern<br>
Yet, a constant reminder<br>
A persistent shadow<br>
Of doubt<br>
Wrongdoing<br>
Faulty beliefs<br>
Wishful thinking<br>
Not meant to be<br>
Never was<br>
Never will <br>
Alone<br>
Always. </p>
<p dir="ltr">HLM (c)<br>
2.26.15</p>
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-11401779346762472062014-11-23T12:42:00.001-09:002014-11-23T12:42:11.623-09:00Take Flight <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You cannot hold yourself accountable for someone else's mistakes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Learn to forgive yourself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Move past it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Enjoy what is to come and hold faith in <em><strong>all</strong></em> that is to come. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Live life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Breathe life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Never think you are not worthy of love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Don't suffer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Let things go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Let it all go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Shout! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Scream! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Cry! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Take the pain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Feel again and be happy about it! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Fall in love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Give all you have.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">11/23/14 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">HLM (c)</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
. <br />
<br />
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-87709816961756598502014-11-19T16:57:00.002-09:002014-11-19T16:57:19.352-09:00Every Single TimeEvery Single Time<br />
<br />
A high consideration in the method of screaming ... <br />
<br />
Multiple reasons why<br />
<br />
Do not concern yourself with such<br />
<br />
I shouldn't<br />
<br />
But I can't stop<br />
<br />
Aren't there meds for this?! Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-20322658424502333142014-11-10T22:52:00.000-09:002014-11-10T22:52:12.139-09:00You can't change people"If we could change people, we would be changing them to suit our purposes, which would steal their freedom to make their own choices." Joyce Meyer (The Confident Woman Devotional)<br />
<br />
This makes me realize that no matter how much I want... wanted... him to change, it never would have been his choice to do so. That speaks volumes because if he never wanted to, there should have been no reason to wait. If things or people are meant to change, they will in their own timing. Sometimes that means it's too late. Sometimes it means you had enough time to think through what you really wanted and you had time to change and to adjust and no longer desire what you didn't have.<br />
<br />
HLM<br />
11.10.14<br />
<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-78549642190839268642014-11-02T20:50:00.001-09:002014-11-02T20:51:37.885-09:00It's that time again!!! 2014 November PAD Chapbook Challenge<br />
<br />
It's that time again! My goal is to actually keep up this time!<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/2014-november-pad-chapbook-challenge-guidelines">2014 November PAD Chapbook Challenge: Guidelines</a>Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-38317677759774994792014-09-15T21:23:00.000-08:002014-09-15T21:23:06.680-08:00Too Cold She stands with a sad finality<br />
as if she were dying<br />
inside<br />
broken<br />
<br />
So gone<br />
stumbling<br />
as if the intoxication of loneliness<br />
swirls around her<br />
<br />
Drowning<br />
falling<br />
wishing for one day<br />
of numb emotion<br />
<br />
Her veins run cold<br />
ice dripping from wounds<br />
engulfing her body<br />
inside and out<br />
<br />
HLM<br />
9.15.14<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-64020932222589871542014-09-13T22:31:00.000-08:002014-09-13T22:31:23.322-08:00Brave the Weather Like the fog that narrows your vision<br />
as you drive ahead<br />
knowing the road does not end<br />
(is my heart)<br />
you still wonder what's out there<br />
what collision awaits<br />
not knowing<br />
yet knowing enough<br />
no matter the direction you go<br />
the fog drifts in front of you<br />
it follows behind<br />
turn around or don't look back<br />
it doesn't matter<br />
there are things unseen<br />
brave the weather<br />
slow your pace when the road curves<br />
stop when you can no longer see<br />
let the light guide you<br />
safely and to where you belong.<br />
<br />
~HLM<br />
9.13.14<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-9635687296072570532014-08-18T22:01:00.000-08:002014-08-18T22:01:02.730-08:00HumanHuman<br />
with or without faults<br />
breathes the air, just as the rest<br />
<br />
whether you choose to choke on it is up to you.<br />
<br />
~HLM<br />
8.18.14Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-78354601435069461582014-08-10T19:19:00.001-08:002014-08-10T19:19:26.266-08:00Bowing out <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am constantly reminded of the impossibility to trust and respect individuals who use less than noble methods to present themselves to me. Each has his/her own choice on whether or not to become a part of my life just as much as they hold the choice and yes, even timing on when to exit it. I care not, for I was here before you and will remain after. I, too, hold the right to decide whether you're worth being in my life. </span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The pieces of this that become truly discouraging are when benefit is given to someone with whom there is already reputable expressions of straight and true. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying he/she does not possess the moral abilities to function in the given society as an upright individual; I merely mean that what is presented to you is a total fabrication of intentions meant for me. Things can become difficult, because without trying to complicate things, the innocent parties now have a front row seat to the aftermath of your attempt to sanctify your crisis. There is no need for the rest of us to suffer from <i>your </i>madness. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You have every right to figure out what to do next in your life. You may have been handed the short end of the stick, but just once, try to remember what it felt like when you were on the losing end. As you crawl back into a comfort zone - one you've made up for yourself - you don't need to infect others with your maliciousness. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No matter the connection. No matter the distance. The ties of two are made with a mere introduction, be it a passing glance, a sleepless night or years of residence inside heart, mind and soul. You cannot undo this introduction but if a day comes where it's time to cut ties, do it well. Graciously bow out. </span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
HLM </div>
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-59295519851918884222014-06-15T21:05:00.001-08:002014-06-15T21:05:45.324-08:00Baby Ari<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I sit a couple thousand miles away from 1 of 2 of the greatest step-daughter's anyone could ask for, while she gives birth to her first child. Life is not always what one expects it to be, but we take it and move forward. I am amazed at the perseverance of this young woman - now an adult. She graduated high school with honors! She remains firm in her love for her man and of their child! She has taken on the role of becoming a mother and is blessed to be surrounded by friends and family who support and love her. Not all of us can be right there next to her or in the next room awaiting Ari's big debut, but my spirit, love and prayer are there. I am certain there are others sending good vibes as well. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am full of a variety of emotions and sit on the edge of what seems a panic attack. I can only imagine what those in the hospital with her are feeling, let alone what <b>she </b>is feeling. I would give anything to be there for her in person on this day, and all days to follow as one of God's miracles graces our lives with his presence. Though I am far in miles, I am close in heart and I pray she knows this. I know she is in good hands and I am thankful! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Words escape me ... I am so overcome with joy. I anxiously await for the news of his arrival! Keep on pushing, lady!! </span><br />
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6/15/14<br />
HLM<br />
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-53094118626882113172014-05-23T22:57:00.002-08:002014-05-23T22:57:52.681-08:00 Isaiah 60:1<i>Arise! Shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you! </i><div>
- Isaiah 60:1</div>
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I read this tonight and felt my heart fill with a little more joy! It is not time to sit back in fear! It is time to get on out there and "do this thing!" </div>
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Even if I cannot pinpoint what exact thing this is, doesn't mean I should stop moving forward. I'll figure it out as long as I continue to put one foot in front of the other and stop holding back so much.</div>
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COME ON - YOU GOT THIS! </div>
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HLM </div>
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5.23.14</div>
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-23843031362336077072014-05-18T23:21:00.002-08:002014-05-18T23:21:47.934-08:00On the eve of words Slow to start<br />
beginning for sure<br />
change of habits<br />
change of plans<br />
all intertwined with what's to come<br />
with what has happened<br />
learn from what was not<br />
exist in what is meant to be.<br />
<br />
HLM<br />
5/18/14<br />
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Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-12250032512500785542014-05-09T03:40:00.002-08:002014-05-09T03:46:41.654-08:00To the Incapable Heart <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How many more days am I destined to suffer your memory</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> were we not connected somehow</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">do I wait</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> do you wait</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is it worth the wait</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> will we even meet again</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">what the hell am I even waiting for</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I miss the conversations </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">be it small talk</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I just miss you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">contending with these thoughts is unfair and angers me so</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I cannot put a stop to it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I never asked for them</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I never told you to give them to me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so, why is it that you went away</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> thinking only of yourself </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and whatever the hell you thought I did to you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> you knew all along</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't know how to handle any of it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I don't know now</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but the fucking feelings won't stop</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> look at the time</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">how much of it has passed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> yet, here I sit</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tears running down my face</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> not knowing how being me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">your friend perhaps</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> could turn you away</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">you left me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> you abandoned me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">another day will not come </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> where I will feel what I felt in that moment</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">solely the moment when it all became recognizable</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> never will a day arrive where my heart </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">will beat</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> as fast</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">as it did</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> when your presence incited it in such a way </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am brokenhearted over a heart I never had</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> or was it one I had all along</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> your essence</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">all that is and shall remain mysterious and hidden</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> you could never pretend</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I could never pretend </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I don't want to pretend</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want you to know</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> the rest is clandestine </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">why does me missing you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> make you feel so afraid</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">unable to be </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I did not heed warnings</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from those we knew</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> for I was not setting out on a venture</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to attain what they</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> what you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought I wanted</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> why is it so outlandish </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to want someone</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to be in my life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> a piece of my existence</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is it so hard to be </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> or are you too much a coward </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">what makes you so much better</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> how do you justify turning your back</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I did not want a figment</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I am not content with a mere collection of memories</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">emotions may become carried away</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but they don't disappear</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">they don't run away</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> you left me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and I am mad at you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I am mad that my heart is big enough to allow </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">unintended souls</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I'm tired of making room for incapable hearts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of cowardly investors</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I will remain angry for the days to come</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">all the days to come</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> the burden you thought I put on you </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was a cowardly attempt at justification</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> don't think you know me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">don't think you knew me back then</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> don't think you understood what was happening</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">don't think of yourself as a better person for doing so. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HLM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pissed off on 5/9/14</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-63640398785629498682014-04-27T21:35:00.003-08:002014-04-27T21:35:40.614-08:00Gibberish There is no song that will remind you of me, is there? One that will make you stop in your tracks and bring every memory to the surface ... burning like fire. Why am I the one cursed with suffering... with tears? With fear? Disappointment. Despair.<br />
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Why?<br />
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Let it go!<br />
Let it go!<br />
Let it go!<br />
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I'm trying. O, Lord! I am trying! <br />
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HLM<br />
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-77142265345918193132014-04-26T22:08:00.000-08:002014-05-05T21:08:27.794-08:00Fresh air and gun powder! Ventured out today with my dad and shot a few rounds at the range! It was great! Getting more comfortable with my .357 and maybe one day I'll actually hit the target!! Well, I hit the target for sure once, but not quite sure if I hit anything else other than dirt. The 9mm I shot of dad's was amazing... and reminds me why I wanted one of the first place. The action on that thing was great! <br />
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Today was my dad's birthday so it was nice to be able to spend time doing something I know he enjoys! I haven't been out shooting with him for years... and I can't wait to do it again. Just need to get the income flowing so I can help put something toward the ammo fund. It also fired me up to get my bow out and sharpen my skills a bit more. </div>
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I can't wait to get outdoors and do more! Walking, shooting... photography! You name it and I want to do it! It's damn time! Maybe the fresh air - or that German Chocolate Cake for Dad's birthday - is getting to me! </div>
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Emotionally, I am having a rough time... just frustrated and lonely I suppose. Not having met many people here in town - well, not having ventured out to have a chance to meet anyone - is making it a little tough. Maybe, it's better this way for now. I am suppose to be regrounding myself and tossing too many people in the mix with the chance to interfere in my progress - if I have made any - would be counter-productive I suppose. </div>
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Nothing too deep this evening. </div>
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That is all. </div>
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HLM</div>
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Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-9168052674629519342014-02-09T09:21:00.001-09:002014-05-05T21:08:46.873-08:00"He didn't keep his side of the bargain." Who would've thought the movie Twister would offer so much insight into my life?! He sure as hell didn't keep his side of the bargain... and it's beyond my control. What I can control and will control is myself... my steps forward and my future. I have a feeling my future will be without many-a-persons who decided to turn their backs on our friendship. No matter how messed up, emotional and confusing - you just don't STOP. Say HI once in a while or have the common decency to tell me you're cutting the strings that attach us. Oh well, everyone and their actions are out of my control. I need to let go. For some of you, I already have.<br />
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Maybe that's why it's a little easier to smile. <br />
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Breathing.<br />
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HLM<br />
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-74877641619627964382014-01-30T20:50:00.001-09:002014-01-30T20:50:24.340-09:00Working on a websiteCheck it out - let me know what you think? It's a start...<br />
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<a href="http://holleephoto.wix.com/holleephotography">http://holleephoto.wix.com/holleephotography</a><br />
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I know, it's been ages since I've been over this way. Life has been busy... moving on, moving out and moving up!! More to come later.<br />
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HLMHollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-12231906416405945012013-12-19T07:31:00.002-09:002013-12-19T07:31:40.491-09:00Long quote for today Found this online....<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired. <br />Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision. <br />Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy. <br />Trust, even when your heart begs you not to. <br />Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see. <br />Frolick, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring. <br />Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.<br />And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.”</span> <br />― <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3119687.Alysha_Speer">Alysha Speer</a>Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2664484032154355063.post-64856259213451802842013-12-13T22:19:00.003-09:002014-05-05T21:11:10.435-08:001AM Headache There are so many things I miss. <br />
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so many people, too</div>
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Some gone from this earth in physical form. </div>
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Others... I thought were my friends. For small moments in life they were. <br />
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I have memories. Some better than others. </div>
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Tonight my eyes are red and my cheeks stained with tears. </div>
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Just another night in my life. </div>
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Just another part of the fight. </div>
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Words of advice have been read. </div>
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Words of encouragement received. </div>
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Things could be worse</div>
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my heart begs to differ</div>
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my soul feels weak</div>
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my faith even less </div>
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but I'm not done.</div>
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Time</div>
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will heal</div>
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rebuild</div>
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I'll feel one day</div>
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Happiness</div>
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I'm broken</div>
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I'm lost </div>
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but not without </div>
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guidance</div>
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compassion</div>
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I'm sure jealous rage will consume</div>
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and my angry heart will speak</div>
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words of dark from my battered soul</div>
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but truth is truth</div>
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whether yelled or spoken</div>
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One day I'll heal</div>
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Faith restored</div>
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in people</div>
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in life</div>
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in love. </div>
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HLM<br />
12/14/2013</div>
Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317252399252873258noreply@blogger.com0