Thursday, November 1, 2012

Chaos ensues my heart

Chaos ensues my heart ...

There are a hundred things I want to say to you
But I figure it’s best if they lay in silence.

I can’t fight the feelings
But I can fight my tongue from speaking the words I want to say to you
I am longing that you wish to hear them
I am longing that you have similar words to speak to me.

But, your silence… it speaks. 
Our meetings are not what I wish
And I am too afraid to insist upon them.
You would say no.
As you should
Doing the right thing.
But, who is it right for? 
You? Me?

Each moment I can’t touch you fills me with another void. 

As much as I don’t wish struggle on anyone, there are days I wish you fought these feelings as I do now.
I fight the words. 
I resist.
But resisting is tearing me apart. 

Life is too short and whether or not the words I want to say are said
Whether or not they are reciprocated
I fight – with right now – as to what good they would do. 
Would I feel better?
Or would the rejection I wait for hurt worse than holding this entire struggle inside?

I don’t worry about the right or wrong of the matter
I worry about my heart
It was broken before I met you
It was breaking apart
One moment with you changed it.
My heart stopped breaking
A flicker of hope existed
But all has been at a standstill since

My own life struggles
My own attempt to rebuild
All in vain.

Is there a chance for redemption?
Residing in you
Your heart
Your soul?

Would you allow it?
Will you allow it?

 I no longer choose this chaos.
 I choose yours.