Friday, May 23, 2014

Isaiah 60:1

Arise! Shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you! 
- Isaiah 60:1

I read this tonight and felt my heart fill with a little more joy!  It is not time to sit back in fear!  It is time to get on out there and "do this thing!"  

Even if I cannot pinpoint what exact thing this is, doesn't mean I should stop moving forward.  I'll figure it out as long as I continue to put one foot in front of the other and stop holding back so much.



Sunday, May 18, 2014

On the eve of words

Slow to start
beginning for sure
change of habits
change of plans
all intertwined with what's to come
with what has happened
learn from what was not
exist in what is meant to be.



Friday, May 9, 2014

To the Incapable Heart

How many more days am I destined to suffer your memory
  were we not connected somehow
do I wait
  do you wait
is it worth the wait
  will we even meet again
what the hell am I even waiting for
  I miss the conversations 
be it small talk
  I just miss you
contending with these thoughts is unfair and angers me so
  I cannot put a stop to it
I never asked for them
  I never told you to give them to me
so, why is it that you went away
  thinking only of yourself 
and whatever the hell you thought I did to you
  you knew all along
I didn't know how to handle any of it
  I don't know now
but the fucking feelings won't stop
  look at the time
how much of it has passed
  yet, here I sit
tears running down my face
  not knowing how being me
your friend perhaps
  could turn you away
you left me 
  you abandoned me
another day will not come 
 where I will feel what I felt in that moment
solely the moment when it all became recognizable
  never will a day arrive where my heart 
will beat
  as fast
as it did
  when your presence incited it in such a way 
I am brokenhearted over a heart I never had
  or was it one I had all along
  your essence
all that is and shall remain mysterious and hidden
  you could never pretend
I could never pretend 
  I don't want to pretend
I want you to know
  the rest is clandestine 
why does me missing you
  make you feel so afraid
unable to be  
  I did not heed warnings
from those we knew
 for I was not setting out on a venture
to attain what they
  what you
thought I wanted
  why is it so outlandish 
to want someone
to be in my life
  a piece of my existence
is it so hard to be 
  or are you too much a coward 
what makes you so much better
  how do you justify turning your back
I did not want a figment
  I am not content with a mere collection of memories
emotions may become carried away
  but they don't disappear
they don't run away
  you left me
and I am mad at you
  I am mad that my heart is big enough to allow 
unintended souls
  I'm tired of making room for incapable hearts
of cowardly investors
  I will remain angry for the days to come
all the days to come
  the burden you thought I put on you 
was a cowardly attempt at justification
  don't think you know me
don't think you knew me back then
  don't think you understood what was happening
don't think of yourself as a better person for doing so. 

Pissed off on 5/9/14