Thursday, December 19, 2013

Long quote for today

Found this online....

“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired.
Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision.
Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy.
Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.
Frolick, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.”

Alysha Speer

Friday, December 13, 2013

1AM Headache

There are so many things I miss.
so many people, too
Some gone from this earth in physical form.  
Others... I thought were my friends.  For small moments in life they were.
I have memories.  Some better than others.  

Tonight my eyes are red and my cheeks stained with tears.  
Just another night in my life.  
Just another part of the fight. 
Words of advice have been read. 
Words of encouragement received. 

Things could be worse
my heart begs to differ
my soul feels weak
my faith even less 
but I'm not done.

will heal
I'll feel one day

I'm broken
I'm lost 
but not without 

I'm sure jealous rage will consume
and my angry heart will speak
words of dark from my battered soul
but truth is truth
whether yelled or spoken

One day I'll heal
Faith restored
in people
in life
in love. 


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Bah Humbug!

Why does everything have to be so hard?!  Why can't I just toss deuces and go?  I've let all this crap strip the very life from me... I can barely find myself anymore.  What has been my favorite holiday of all seems more a chore than anything.  WHAT?!  I love decorating for Christmas!  Well, I used to.

I've become the Grinch.  A Scrooge.  Bah-freakin'-humbug!  

I keep telling myself I am a burden to everyone who's offered a helping hand, a roof, a safe haven.  I have thoroughly convinced myself that I'm going to be too much of a problem.  WHAT?!  

What the heck is wrong with me?  

So tired.
So empty.
So afraid. 


just too damn exhausted to get it all done.

What happened to me?  

I have to find me.