Good grief. Life... sometimes SUCKS!!!! In fact, it sucks the parts of me I like the most out and stomps all over them!!! It's taken a massive amount of time for me to pick up some of those pieces and I'm still in "recovery mode." Those who know the situation(s) need no explanation and for those who don't.... where to start?!
Honestly, I won't go into every detail but I know it takes 2 to make a relationship work and it has been a huge pain in the ass being the only 1 for MONTHS. Actually, I am pretty sure it's been at least a year by now. Yes! Yes! There are 2 sides to every story and I am not here to bash anyone. Honestly, there isn't much the defense has to offer and everyone can make their own judgements... but reality leaves me with focusing on how to get to the end result. The end result is ME! ME! ME!
I took on becoming a mother to 2 children who are not my own. It's embarassing to say I've had to mother an adult as well. One more than capable of directing his efforts towards progress has instead buried his head in the sand, turned his back on what's most important and finds apparent enjoyment in accusing his significant other of the most asinine things, ridiculing and pretending everything is ok. I know! I know! Men don't like to talk... I get that. Always have. But, seriously, I can't help if you don't pull your head out. And, the longer it stays shoved up there, the less I am going to care. There is no time to feel sorry for yourself. And I have no more sympathy.
The progression of my plan has slowed but I keep focus. Some days I simply feel I have lost all faith in everythying, but my parents and true - VERY TRUE - friends help keep things in perspective. I am still scared to death but I wouldn't be human if I wasn't. I've refrained from doing ridiculous things and have kept true to myself and for that I am proud.
Soon... but never soon enough it seems, things will move along a little faster. Until then... I end today's rant.
You know you've missed me.
~Holly
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