I know not to play sides against each other. Things get down to the ugly of any situation and someone always says, “You don’t know both sides” or, “How do you know?” or, “Have you considered their feelings?” Let’s get one thing clear: If you are not living in my house, walking in my shoes, or currently at war with multiple emotions inside my heart and my head, please refrain from judgment calls.
I think those who know me would say I do a pretty good job of not making things one-sided. Granted, my voice and frustrations are the only being heard, but I don’t come out and completely trash-talk the other side. I do step back and look at things from the other side – not always immediately, but once my frustration / anger / whatever the hell it is subsides I try to walk through what I said or what I did. What triggered things? Did I over-react? Ask those closest to me, I will curl up in a pathetic little ball and second guess myself. In reality, if I said or did something it was because I wanted to. But, somewhere inside me is a feeble little voice that says “maybe you’re wrong, Holly.” I haven’t quite learned how to stop giving people 2nd chances – 3rd chances – 4th chances – ok, you get my point!! or how to realize I AM STRONG enough and don’t NEED THE BULLSHIT!!!! That I WAS right and I continue to be right because I didn’t approach with arrogance. I proceeded with emotion; raw, fucking emotion.
I know there are worse things in life. But, if I don’t express myself, I will explode and believe-you-me… that would be messy. Who wants to clean that up?!